Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I see through liars

Do you anal play alone?

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I can count

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EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

Why am I so unproductive when it's a holiday the next day?

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

What causes tension between liberals and conservatives? Is it purely based on ideological differences or are there other factors at play?

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

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I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

What are the types of values?

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I have a reading level above third grade

What are some effective ways to cope with loss and grief?

I understand how hurricane paths work

I don’t cotton to rapists

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

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I know who the president of Turkey really is

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

Why are white women dating more black guys than ever?

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

What do you think of Andrew Tate?

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

Is Replika conscious?

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I can read

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

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I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

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I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

What can I do when I'm ugly on both outside and inside? What do I do? Cut myself off from the world to make everyones lives better? I'm a monster. I hurt feelings, and I say what was said to me. I feel like I'm nothing but a burden. What do I do?

I have complete contempt for fakery

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I don’t buy bullshit

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I actually pay taxes

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says: